LRL Concepts

A love letter to no one in particular... I've had this thought in my head for the past three days, and I can't seem to get it out of there. I've tried several times to write that letter. To rationalize the reasons why it should be written, but I find none. I thought, there must be a connection between my art, and that sort of feeling; that sort of burning desire. But there's really none, is there? That sort of fire comes and goes by itself. It shows its face unannounced, without permission, and it grabs you. It is not dependent on what one does or who one is. It's completely independent, and quite honestly, a nuisance most of the time.

So why talk about it. Why write about it. There must be a connection between who I am, what I love to do, and that sort of passion. But, what is it? There's no rationale that will serve me here. Unfortunately.

I should be sitting in a garden pondering these things. As if they were the most important things in the world. As if by some chance sitting next to a pretty flower or plant could help. Instead, I sit in front of my computer staring at the monitor. Or in front of my aquarium staring at my fish; or in front of the terrarium staring at my geckos, but they don't like that. Animals don't seem to have this kind of urge. They have feelings, for sure. God knows my dog has the eyes of a little girl: just waiting. But I don't know that they know anything about obsession, or infatuation, or passion... It is so human. So human, that Van Gogh sliced his ear to show that side of his humanity. Of course, he had a someone in particular in mind... Did it mix with his paints? Does this thing mix with a canvas; does it get impregnated on fabric, or the sheets on a bed, or paper and pen? Does it have a smell, or a shape that is characteristic of it? Is it the heat of my island following all the way here?

To be honest, I feel more than ridiculous saying these things. It reveals a little too much about my nature, and the nature of my work and process. I hear drumming is a great way to get rid of unwanted thoughts. Or at the very least reduce stress. And the truth is, this idea of love stresses me. It stresses me to think that there is a feeling out there that is so powerful that it can move mountains, and dry oceans, and make the most beautiful works of art humanity has ever seen. And it especially scares me to think that I can feel it. It just seems so irrational. So forbidding. Why can I not fight a feeling like that. Why is it so hard to let that kind of feeling go settle somewhere else?

I don't know. For all the things I know, I'm completely in the dark about this one.

LRL